She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
