final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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