I cockslap morals
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
