Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
