So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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