"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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