Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
