the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
