Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you win again, gameday.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
