Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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