im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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