ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
