piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
