I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
