How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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