How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
