imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
