I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
