I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize