Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
