We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
