dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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