Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize