Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
