Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I cockslap morals
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
