i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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