I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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