dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
