Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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