i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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