I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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