Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
