be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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