I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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