I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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