I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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