Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
