I haven't been this sober since birth.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
