tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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