hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
