i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
