Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
tell me about the fingering
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
