marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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