i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
