His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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