I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
