Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
