It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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