It's like God shit irony all over that family
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
