Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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