I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
