theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
