I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
