we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
