Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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