I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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