if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
