yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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