Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
