I faked an abortion last night.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
