Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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