No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
