"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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