This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
try to milk me bitch
Randomize