Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
