I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
