i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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