Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
