id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
