He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
