those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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