After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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