therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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