The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
