My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
