I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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