You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dick very happy bro
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
