how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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